“We seem so frightened today of being alone that we never
let it happen. . . . We choke the space with continuous music, chatter, and
companionship to which we do not even listen. It is simply there to fill the
vacuum. When the noise stops there is no inner music to take its place.”
-
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Recently, my professor distributed the above quote from Anne Morrow Lindbergh. My initial reaction was to scoff at this idea (mainly because I did not want to admit how true I knew it was). Adjusting to life in Athens has not been easy for me- no secret among my friends and family. I have often felt the need to fill the empty space that distance from home has left in my head and heart. Spotify, Pandora, Facebook and Netflix became some of my best friends- providing constant background noise- keeping the thoughts of loneliness and homesickness at bay. I had not realized this fully until the same professor asked us to spend 48 hours "unplugged" from technology. It was difficult. My phone is my connection home. I prioritize it greatly. I attribute this to the fact that my fiance spent the entire previous year overseas in England and our communication was extremely limited. Even now that he is back in the US, we are once again separated, but this time not by time zones and international waters. Having the ability to text and call him on a whim has made a huge difference in my life and giving that up is a great sacrifice.
What did we ever do before cell phones, right? Well- having done the year without phone communication- relying on e-mails and letters- I imagine it was not only difficult, but miserable. I value this technology but I certainly do not take it for granted.
That being said, I realize that I rely heavily on filling the silence. This professor asked us to set aside three hours of our time and go for a hike- somewhere remote where you couldn't hear traffic and other societal disturbances (if such a place exists). I completed this assignment, trying to keep the above quote in mind, but found it difficult. I searched for this powerful connection that my colleagues felt- a small part of me jealous of their connection. I found myself feeling vulnerable, alone and undeniably sad. Perhaps it was the condition of the area: transitioning from winter to spring... still cold and not yet green. The trees themselves looked vulnerable and sad. In this way- nature and I may have connected greatly. The assignment forced me to reconnect with the land- but it was too early. In its own time, it will happen and flourish like a garden of wildflowers- unpredictable, beautiful and oh so important.
As an environmental studies student an assignment like this should be easy, if not fun. However, I feel as though my situation was quite different from that of my peers. My childhood is not filled with fond memories of climbing trees, exploring the woods and creeks surrounding my neighborhood. I did not stay out until the sun went down, in fact, being a fair-skinned blonde I was often cautioned to stay indoors! I do not sit in the dirt or like when the grass gets my shoes wet. Sleeping under the stars? No sir! It simply isn't for me. So why am I here? I get this question a lot....
I don't seem to fit... and it is no secret to me. I have felt like a foreigner in Athens since the day I arrived. My personal connection to nature is irrelevant. I am here because I not only see a problem in how we, as a society, function within out natural environment but I understand that the every day actions of one DOES make a difference.
I see an opportunity to make life meaningful and contribute to something greater than myself and my own personal pleasure. I fell in love with a garden- I found my place of refuge and didn't see how I could ever turn away from this part of my life now. Nature and I may not be fully acquainted with one another, but in the meantime I do what I can to respect and protect it...usually (for me) this involves staying out of it.
Before people jump to ask me why I (of all people!) have placed myself in an environmental studies program, I would appreciated it if they surveyed their own values and actions first. Instead of shunning me for my discomfort in a natural setting, appreciate that i'm here and understand the importance of being a citizen of the environment. I am learning- just like you.
